come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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