You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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