I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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