"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
