she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Boobs speak an international language.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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