I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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