What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
