im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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