Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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