I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
