There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
