eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize