And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
