Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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