i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
