I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
