She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
