hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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