So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
