laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
