just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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