I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
