this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
