weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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