im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
