the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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