those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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