They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
