I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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