Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
