I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
