How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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