Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
