I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
