I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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