I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
