??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
