Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
