4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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