clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
