Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
