I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
