when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
