needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
