Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
