At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
