i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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