he was CRYING into my vagina
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
