I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Mom said you looked used
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't turn off my feet"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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