Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i think my cat just said my name.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
