And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My pussy is not your playground.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
do herpes really smell.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
