What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
