i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize