the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
