Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
