i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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