Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
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Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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