mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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