you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
