Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
