she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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